Photo by theslowlane

A chasm, a yawning credibility gap, lies between marketing professionals and self-proclaimed Internet Marketing gurus. As chasms go, this one is rather oddly configured. It is not very deep, yet it is wider than the jaws of a sleep-deprived hippopotamus. Step with me into this forsaken terrain, and let me show you the ruins and wonders in the Wasteland of Opportunity.

Photo by Max Wolfe

Keep a sharp look out for snakes. These slick-looking sidewinders will slow us down considerably. They’re everywhere, but nearly impossible to spot until one jumps up and bites you. Don’t worry, I bought a survival guidebook. It guarantees that we can suck the venom out and live, and it has a mandatory 60-day money back guarantee. Plus, I received a stick and a handkerchief as a bonus, with instructions on how to make a life-saving tourniquet.

Let’s move on.

Photo by seanmcgrath

It’s hotter than the devil’s butter knife out here. Luckily, an oasis is just ahead. Oh my, we sure got fooled by that mirage, huh? There is another one over yonder. Nope, not this one, either. You know, I read about these in another guidebook. If we conceive of an oasis and truly believe that it is an oasis why, we’ll be drinking until our bellies burst! Wanna give it a try? The trick is, you can’t just wish it into existence, you have to take massive action! Whatever that is.

Tell you what, I brought a canteen. Take a sip.

Photo by annleah

Now, you may begin to feel that nothing can survive out here. That couldn’t be further from the truth! There are many creatures and plants that thrive on scarcity. It’s like a mindset, okay? I left that guidebook at home, but I remember reading about the ecology of deserts. The thing that stood out was the idea of a community. You’ve got these plants that everyone else depends on. Herbivores eat the plants. Carnivores eat the herbivores. Both die and get eaten by microorganisms, which make soil for the next generation of clueless plants. Then, there is this whole interaction going on for territory and resources. You’ve got your competition, your predatory behavior and your parasites. It’s not anywhere I want to be after dark!

Can you hurry up, please?

Photo by Jesper Särnesjö

We’re almost out of water, so this is a good time to tell you about this book I bought. It teaches you 97 ways to get water in any desert on the globe! I am so glad I kept it, even though many people claimed that the techniques didn’t work. In fact, I recall technique number 20: you just need to dig a hole, stick a cup in there, put some plastic wrap over that, seal it up good and drop a rock in the center of the plastic. No! arrgh! That was too big. Let’s try that again. Oops, that was my last bit of plastic. Can I put my rock on your plastic? I’ll give you the first sip, okay?

Photo by desert-dweller

At last! We’re on the far side of the chasm. I never noticed this before, being on the other side of the Wasteland: that’s quite a cliff face! How in the name of Joshua’s tree are we going to reach the summit? Oh, we just have to get there, you know. The ecosystem is vastly different. There is an abundance of resources and parasites are quickly eradicated, leaving the rest of the community to cycle peacefully. I’m tired of wandering in the desert, searching for strays like you, waiting for a chance to share my knowledge. You see, I end up spending all my time (and yours) repeating the same old crap from the same old guidebooks. I’m better than that! I have real stuff to share! But I can’t do it without real guidance.

So, keep looking for some kind of ladder, or even a brass ring. We’ve just got to make it to the summit.

Image courtesy of chrisg.com

Read about my earlier travels through the Wasteland: Empire of the Niche.